Living with Anxiety & Depression

The walls feel as if they are closing in on you. The negative thoughts scream loudly in your brain. The constant worrying and the self-doubt. The fear of never being good enough and the isolation from friends and family. You no longer enjoy doing the things you used to love doing. The fake smiles and "I'm okay" just so you don't have to talk about it. For many people with depression and anxiety life just isn't normal. Some people suffer in silence simply because of the judgmental comments and the stereotype perceived with mental illness.

For me this is real.... the shame that comes with it and the hopelessness. I want to be normal again! One of the most frustrating things about having anxiety and depression is the lack of sympathy from people who don't understand what it's like. Most of the time they are uninformed and refuse to accept the facts.

"Get on meds," they say. Well guess what, most people who suffer from anxiety and depression are on medication. If we aren't being treated for our anxiety and depression isn't fair.

"Well you don't look depressed," is another one of those shitty statements people like throwing around. I didn't know someone had to look a certain way to be depressed. Just because they smile and look fine doesn't mean they are.

What if I told you I get social anxiety...shocking isn’t? You would never know because of how "social" I am. Want to know a secret? I learned early on in life that social situations are going to happen. You can either let it destroy you or learn to adapt.

Did you know large crowds freak me out?  So, does meeting new people and since I have set my sights on being a journalist, I know firsthand how awkward it is introducing yourself to someone. The sweaty palms, the fidgeting, and the racing thoughts. It sucks! I have interviewed several people for stories even though my anxiety was through the roof. However, I never let it affect my job.

Some days, I feel great and full of life other days I don't feel like doing anything. This leads me to the reason for this topic. In November, my anxiety was so bad I made an appointment with my primary doctor. At first, I suspected it to be my thyroid. (It is highly probable that my anxiety is being triggered by my Hypothyroidism.) However, it wasn't just my thyroid. Long story short she diagnosed me with anxiety and depression. We discussed the options and decided I should try an anxiety medication.

Now, you may be wondering what triggered my anxiety. Well, I have always had anxiety, but I tried to handle it on my own. I realized it was a problem when I started feeling overwhelmed and losing interest in my school work, friends, and family.

Yeah, yeah....no big deal right. Wrong! This was an important semester for me. in fact, it was my final semester. I got to the point where I didn't care about my grades. I became annoyed and easily irritated. I wasn't myself. I stayed away from people and only went out if it was necessary.

The last few weeks of the semester were the toughest for me. Once I realized that I needed to pull myself together and focus on finishing my degree. I pushed I myself to keep going. For a whole week I was anxious about my final grades. I lost sleep and became stressed. Not knowing if I passed or failed was the hardest part for me. Once I received my grades it felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders.

Now days.... I have come to terms with having anxiety and depression. I know that some days will be worse than others, but I will continue to have a positive attitude and continue to live a semi-normal life.

*If you suffer from anxiety and depression or any mental illness, please do not suffer in silence. Confide in a close friend or a loved one or join a support group. Do not be ashamed or too proud to get help. You are not alone!

Facts & Statistics

• Nearly 40 million people in the United States experience an anxiety disorder. 
• Children and teenagers also experience anxiety and depression.
• One-third of those suffering from an anxiety disorder receive treatment.
• Most anxiety disorders are highly treatable.
• Anxiety disorders are the most common mental disorders worldwide.
• Researchers are learning that anxiety disorders run in families.